Three days after Donald Trump became the president-elect, more than 50 parents and families joined Families of Color Seattle (FOCS) for a post-election dialogue in South Seattle. FOCS organized the event in less than 24 hours as an effort to provide families of color a space to process their varying responses to the election, says FOCS parent educator Joann Lee Kim.
During the event, Kim and fellow FOCS parent educator Jasen Frelot led child-centered talks on race, power, politics and art — conversations rich enough to birth a 40-page Google Doc, which FOCS has made public for any to view. With chapters including “What to Do Instead of Calling the Police” and “Syllabus for White People to Educate Themselves,” the FOCS Post-Election Resource Packet offers an approach to social change that starts at home.
“Racism hurts our families and we need tools to resist, become resilient and thrive,” reads the packet’s introduction, written by FOCS founding executive director Amy Pak and and Sharon H. Chang, author of the book Raising Mixed Race. “To accomplish this, we must become lifelong learners, effective allies and advocates for our children.”
I spoke with Kim and Frelot about how parents of all backgrounds and races can make good on Pak and Chang’s advice. Here’s what they had to say about post-election dialogue, parenting tools and the Jan. 21 event “Kids & Race: Changing the Narrative.”
First, tell me a bit about yourselves. What brought you to your parent educator roles at FOCS?
Kim: I’m a teaching artist [who] uses art as a language for social change and resistance, and I’m really passionate about empowering youth in that action. [Kim has a master’s of science in conflict analysis and resolution from George Mason University in Virginia.] I’m also a mom to an 18-month-old son.
Frelot: I am a community organizer, father, early childhood educator and social justice advocate. I’m also the founding director of Columbia City Preschool of Arts and Culture, a preschool founded on the principles of racial equity that will open this winter. As the co-founder of Kids and Race Seattle [a joint venture of The Well in Queen Anne and Columbia City Church of Hope], I’ve been leading workshops for kids and adults on racism since last January.
During the FOCS post-election dialogue on Nov. 11, how did you include children?
Frelot: I walked [the kids who attended] through four steps: Get sad, get mad, get creative and get going. First, I presented them with factual information, saying our nation elected someone who has bullied and been mean to people of color. I repeated some of the mean things [Trump] said during the election.
Then I allowed space for emotional response, asking them how they felt and how their parents felt and I told them how I felt. Next, I encouraged them to be creative while coming up with solutions. I told them the fourth step was to get moving, to put their creative solutions into action.
This activity is about acknowledging the wrong: Something bad has happened and we [need space] to feel mad. Kids understand what’s unfair and unjust and we can tap into that. Then we can get them to respond creatively and move on solutions. Kids need to know they have agency and power, too.
Kim, how did you use artwork with the kids at the event?
Kim: I had the kids think about monsters. Kids know what monsters look like; monsters inflect harm upon you and leave you sad, mad or angry. Then I had them draw monsters. Through this, kids are able to take what scares them and externalize that fear so it no longer just lives inside them. Once they draw their monsters, they can have a relationship with their fears; they can process them and work with them [so they are no longer as scary].
Then I said, ‘Draw yourself as a superhero.’ Drawing themselves as superheroes gives the kids agency; kids can present themselves in a positive light, with a positive racial identity … Instead of feeling powerless, they realize they actually are powerful.
Finally, everyone positioned themselves in the same posture as their superheroes. We repeated affirmations and we were a group of superheroes together. Our activities are about building positive identity, framing ourselves as doers, saving the world and saving the day. If kids have knowledge, desire and confidence, they know they can act to change the world.
We are culture-bearers and can pass on a culture of love and liberation. We can choose what messages our kids encounter.
Are these activities parents of all races can do at home with their kids?
Frelot: Yes, all parents can do activities like this and talk together with their kids and figure out solutions … Kids can handle a lot more than we think they can; they’re resilient. A lot of this work is more about parents remaining comfortable. If parents start feeling powerlessness, that’s not helpful. We don’t want it to be depressive or disempowering. We want to give facts about this bad thing that is happening and then go to, ‘This is what we can do about it.’ Let’s find solutions we can do together as a family to address this wrong. If every single person in the world did this, then we would have a revolution. Focusing on the small impact you can and do have as a family is really the best way you can go about this.
Kim: I think the other good thing parents can do is to stay humble. Often [the way] we teach our children is by telling them what to do instead of empowering them to develop their own ideas. Especially if you are a white person, it’s good to stay humble and say let’s figure this out together. Their witness of you stumbling through it is an invitation; they can stumble through this process with you.
Addressing wrongs in our society, including racism, is about being comfortable with being uncomfortable. If we veer away from discomfort in favor of being comfortable, we’re still upholding the status quo. The goal should be about addressing the wrong.
Tell me more about your event next month.
Frelot: On Saturday, Jan. 21, [the day after the inauguration] we’re holding 'Kids & Race: Changing the Narrative' at Central Lutheran Church on Capitol Hill … This event is for children and their parents to have a conversation about racism and to start figuring how to address systemic injustice … We’ve lived in a world where we haven’t talked about these issues and now we are in trouble. It’s time to talk.
How else can parents discuss racism with kids?
Kim: Start by diversifying the media sources and the stories that our children hear. One way we can do this is by introducing books about and written by people of color that challenge the dominant narrative. [That] has power, authority, beauty [and] agency.
These hidden, or concealed stories are generally told by people on the margins, so by [sharing them], you are already challenging the status quo … and the more you're aware of these stories, the more likely you are to question any message that you hear from the TV, school, playground. You may start to ask whose voice is not present in this story. Who is applauded or rewarded? Through this, we begin to critically process our experience, our feelings and what we can do to start dismantling the stories that perpetuate racism. [If you're looking specifically for children's books, this is one list that was in the FOCS resource packet.]
Frelot: [Consistently] ask [your child], ‘What is a man or woman supposed to be like?’ If you watch a Disney movie, there are set ideas. But if you look at life, there are a lot more shades of grey … that’s more whole, real, true and complex. Media is the easiest thing to beat up on. But look around at society, too. What narratives are our kids being fed? If the custodial staff is all people of color, that’s a narrative [they’re encountering].
Yes, someone I recently interviewed said she makes sure to take her children to doctors who are people of color.
Frelot: Yes, have your kids see a doctor who is a person of color. But if you are feeding your kids a diet of Disney, you also need to realize that your words are in contradiction of what they are seeing in those movies.
Kim: That’s what is empowering about being a mom. We are culture-bearers and can pass on a culture of love and liberation. We can choose what messages our kids encounter.
Frelot: We also need to get away this idea of good and bad people. Being racist isn’t a bad thing; it makes you a human being. If people can’t admit they have racist tendencies, we can’t move through the process of moving out of where we are now. The best thing about Donald Trump as president is that white people will see they have a vested interest in correcting these systematic wrongs. Claiming your responsibility is about claiming power.
If you’re white in this country, you have power and privilege; you can say things that will be heard. We all have a responsibility to learn and change and to do something better. And everyone has the power to make a difference in their own way.
