Everyone knows I’m obsessed with the holiday season. It’s my jam. My bread and butter. It’s what gets me through these long, cold winter months — but this year I barely recognize my typically over-the- top festive self.
I haphazardly placed shatterproof decorations on our tree, Halloween decorations sit proudly on our porch and the smell of cookies in our home is courtesy of a scrumptious Bath and Body works candle. If that’s not bad enough, I haven’t visited the mall. Not even once. Not even on Black Friday. Really, if it wasn’t for Amazon, everyone on my Christmas list would be getting macaroni necklaces or my son’s handy-dandy art work.
From the outside, the state of my home, the content of my gifts and my lack of Christmas enthusiasm make me look like a complete Christmas failure. And honestly, I kind of am.
This year I’m tackling Christmas from a couch.
This year I’m tackling Christmas from a couch.
I’m growing a little human in my womb. At 30 weeks pregnant, my second baby nearly arrived into the world at a tiny, premature 3 pounds. Thankfully, a 10-day stay in a hospital, an hour away from my precious 15-month-old back home, kept me pregnant.
While I’m beyond grateful to spend the holidays at home (and have desperately craved time alone on my couch), I’m constantly facing Christmas defeat. Due to pregnancy, I lack the energy to deck our halls, cook hearty home cooked meals and host beautiful holiday parties with our family.
Due to hospital bills, we lack financial flexibility to purchase the perfect gifts for the perfect people. Because of bed rest, I lack the ability to create a toddler-friendly Christmas for my very deserving son. And I know I’m not alone in this struggle to meet Christmas expectations.
As moms, we set the bar pretty high when it comes to making our children’s life magical, especially when it comes to the holidays. We invest time in creating special ornaments, stand in long lines at the mall to meet Santa Claus, stand in even longer lines to get the hot-gift of the year ... the list goes on. Why am I sad I'm missing that this year? I’m not sure why — it never seems to end.
I know I’m not alone in this struggle to meet Christmas expectations.
We find ourselves traveling near and far to visit friends and family. Run our wallets empty on gifts for those most deserving in our life. Take time to please everyone – when really all we truly want is a quiet moment Christmas morning to watch our children’s eyes light up as they experience the magic of the season. A moment that lasts little more than an hour before we have to get everyone fed, bathed, dressed and out the door for a 12-hour excursion to four different houses.
Where’s the Christmas magic in all of that?
This year, even while I face some disappointment, I’ve learned my family has been provided with the most precious gift — and that’s time.
With my husband and my son on the couch by my side, I’ll watch an endless stream of Hallmark Christmas movies, binge eat store-bought sugar cookies, unwrap small gifts packaged by Amazon and not worry a moment about where we have to be, who we need to see and what we have to do. Because really, the only place we need to be is home, the only people we need to see is each other and the only thing we have to do is love.
Who knows, I may enjoy this half-ass Christmas so much that we do the same thing next year — only with two toddlers ripping down the tree instead of one.
