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Rebecca Dyk, the owner of a Seattle nanny agency, was scrolling through social media earlier this year when a reel caught her eye: A nanny had posted a video describing what it was like to work for a “rich Seattle family.” There were lots of perks, including sipping expensive wine with the parents after her shift.
“The TikTok was unprofessional,” says Dyk, whose agency did not work with the nanny. “There is no way an influential Seattle family would ever keep a nanny in their home who does that.”
The nanny, who had more than 2,000 followers, later removed the video, though Dyk still has it saved on her phone. It’s a good example of what not to do in a world that’s increasingly permeated with digital oversharing, she said.
In an age of TikTok influencers and omnipresent smartphones, navigating the digital landscape for your child and yourself can be tricky enough. But parents must also consider the myriad players who influence their family and children’s online footprint — including their nannies.
Two potentially conflicting trends are at work. On one hand, the popularity of short video sharing platforms such as TikTok has skyrocketed — especially among teenagers and younger adults. At the same time, there is widespread and growing concern from parents that social media sites know too much personal information about their children, the Pew Research Center found. For parents who prioritize digital privacy, it’s essential to create and communicate clear boundaries with the people who regularly interact with your children, experts say.
“Understanding how your child’s information has the potential to be shared by other adults is very important for parents,” says Alexa Fox, an associate professor of marketing at The University of Akron, who researches the diverse ecosystem of online sharing.
Sharing the nanny life
A quick perusal of nanny hashtags on video-sharing sites brings up a colorful quilt of young faces enjoying life with their caregivers. On a recent weekend, there was a short reel of a gracious nanny thanking her family — picture included — for taking her out to dinner with them post shift. Another shows a caregiver opening blinds and fluffing pillows in an expansive, well-appointed living room, before serving children breakfast at the bar and then kicking a ball together in the sun-splashed yard. One nanny enthusiastically lip syncs and dance-struts down the hallway before the camera pans to a toddler looking on with big open eyes from her bedroom. Other caregivers simply smile into the camera, baby legs wrapped securely around their hips.
To be sure, parents may have approved the sharing, and not everyone using these hashtags is a professional nanny. Even so, the proliferation of these and other videos — many with thousands of likes — highlights the caregiving community’s desire to connect online as well as the potential privacy implications of that sharing.
Social media can offer important benefits for nannies, such as creating a sense of community, says Katie Provinziano, the founder and CEO of Westside Nannies, a Los Angeles-based agency. Some of these accounts offer creative ideas and tips that are useful for parents and nannies alike. Publicizing the nanny experience can also normalize their important role for the broader community, alleviating the unwarranted stigma some families might encounter when seeking help.
“There is such a need to shed a light on the caregiving community: It’s often work that’s done in the shadows,” Provinziano says, “It’s in people’s homes, and because of that can feel very invisible.”
Digital sharing can help new parents learn about specialty services, like nannies who offer overnight care for newborns. A quick TikTok search brings up numerous clips showcasing night nannies on the job, including one such nanny quietly rocking, feeding and burping a newborn in a darkened room while parents (theoretically) catch up on sleep.
“Parents might not realize this exists,” Provinziano says. “They can see that it’s not just for the celebrity moms, but for real people who have chosen to invest in that so they can take care of themselves.”
Protecting family privacy
At the same time, Provinziano, a mom herself, acknowledges that sharing information online can be problematic, especially if a family prioritizes privacy. Some of that agency’s entertainment clients, for example, often don’t even share their own vacation pictures online for privacy reasons. Others have requested that their nanny refrain from taking photos at all — even if they’re only sent to the parents in a private text message. That’s because those images can live on someone’s phone long after the nanny departs.
“Nannies have to be careful not to compromise privacy,” she says. “It’s hard to portray the lifestyle of the nanny because you have to be very careful what you show.”
Nanny coach Sarah Carlisle Stewart will occasionally privately message nannies who seem to be unnecessarily oversharing online to see if they’re aware how much information they may be unknowingly posting. As back-to-school season began, she noticed nannies posting first-day photos online. These are likely shared with the best intentions, a sign of pride at successfully shepherding their youngsters into a new school year.
“But you take the photo in front of the school or classroom, with the teacher’s name: it’s giving out so much private information,” she says. “I always have this conversation, teaching nannies how to share things in a safe way.”
Family privacy isn’t the only concern when paid caregivers are filming their work environment for social media, says Dyk, the Seattle agency owner.
“Think about how much time it takes to make a reel,” she says. “Where do they fit that in? That’s a whole other job.”
Finding alternative ways to share
Still, there are creative ways to connect and document one’s own work without compromising family privacy. Industry observers point to a growing number of nanny influencers who shy away from sharing children’s photos, focusing instead on topics like self-care, and boundary setting (For example, nannies might discuss whether it’s OK to put away dishes or whether they should charge extra for providing fresh juices for the family). Instead of featuring the children, the nanny themselves take center stage.
That’s the approach nanny influencer Stewart extols. Stewart, who has nearly 16,000 followers on The Modern Nanny Instagram, says that having a strong online nanny presence doesn’t require children’s photos. She points to her own feed which is peppered with nanny news and advocacy posts. Likewise, there are other popular nanny influencers who have gathered a strong following by carving out a specialty whether it’s financial tips or children’s literature.
Stewart, a California-based family assistant, started her Instagram in 2020 as a way to find much-needed social connections. While nannies used to connect at library story times, school drop-offs or park playdates, the pandemic shattered that childcare landscape. The account quickly took off.
“I realized I was not alone in feeling isolated and alone,” she says. “Social media has given us a new tool to make those connections that we weren’t otherwise able to make.”
She’s noticed that other nannies use their social media to document their work, much like an online portfolio that showcases their creative childcare strategies, from new sensory bins to fall craft ideas. In a job that often feels overlooked, it can feel validating to post specific details of day-to-day happenings.
“Even though people know we exist, people don’t know what we do,” she says. “There are so many conversations: What is a nanny? People see online portfolios as a way to show society the value and the invisible labor we put out.”
Clearly communicating online privacy desires with a family is key since people’s viewpoints can vary so widely, she says. While some nannies sign non-disclosure agreements, other families allow photos and images online as long as the nanny doesn’t include names and locations. Still other families might encourage the nanny’s social media as a way to keep in touch with family and friends, who can follow along daily. She urges her followers to be clear and seek family permission if the guidance is unclear.
“Err on the side of caution but feel empowered to share about you and your job, not necessarily the kids,” she says.
Amid privacy shift, murky areas arise
In the Puget Sound, nannies and parents say they notice a shift toward more digital privacy. Many local moms interviewed for this story said children’s photos shouldn’t be posted to social media unless parents specifically give permission for every single photo. Protecting a child’s privacy until they can voice their own preferences is the kind choice, one mom said.
Edmonds-based nanny Hannah Bailey, who has been in the field for nearly two decades, has also noticed a movement toward clear digital privacy guidelines. The last three contracts she’s signed, for example, have explicitly stated that the family did not want photos of their children or home posted online.
“A lot of people are in tune about respecting privacy, especially in regards to children,” she says.
While most fellow nannies take requirements like that to heart, she said, others may interpret the guidelines more liberally — like posting the back of children as they walk down the street. Despite a growing privacy trend, she’s also heard of the clear digital missteps, such as a nanny who posted pictures of a child’s rash online, seeking advice on how to treat it. The family wasn’t keen to hear advice on their child’s skin health from online strangers, she said.
While social media policies may differ, most families tend to offer clear guidance, says Jami Dennis, a mom, the co-owner of a Colorado nanny agency, and the leader of a national organization of nanny agencies. Most commonly, parents specify that no images should be posted at all. Others may say that images are fine as long as there are no names or locations tagged. As a mom who has had nannies herself, Dennis has very explicitly stated that caregivers should not share anything identifying about her family or children online.
A murkier area tends to come from seeking advice or venting about work-related issues online, such as in nanny support groups. While some online forums have strict criteria for what can be shared, others are open to any forms of venting. That can be problematic since in-home caregivers see “the intimate backside of how families live,” she says.
Through her work with both nannies and families, she’s heard stories of people sharing everything from an older child still in diapers to private details of mom and dad fighting. Others focus on compensation questions such as how much extra to be paid for travelling with the family.
“It feels anonymous but it can make its way back to the family and impact their privacy,” she says.
That’s why she encourages conversations about these gray areas. Families may want to consider: What are the guidelines for sharing family information online even if names aren’t used? Similarly, Provinziano at Westside Nannies, pointed to online forums as a potentially problematic area. She’s heard of families learning of a nanny’s rant in a forum, and then firing them.
“Even if they think it’s a private forum, people can screen shot so easily,” she says. “You should only write what you’re comfortable with the world seeing.”
A complex ecosystem of digital sharing
Outside of parents and guardians, nannies are just one example of the adults who can impact a child’s digital footprint, said Fox, the marketing professor.
Fox researches how children’s information can be shared online from a variety of sources. Various players from schools to businesses can post digital images, videos and other personal information. With so much posted online, just a little sleuthing can determine the user’s location and possibly their identity.
“If someone takes a photo of your child, it’s about context,” she says. “What else is in the caption? What other posts are being made on that profile that could be put together like a puzzle?”
For some social media users, it’s not as simple as posting or not posting. In Fox’s research, she’s found that new moms feel differently about privacy and social media sharing depending upon the image. While some no-no’s are fairly obvious — such as nudity — others are more nuanced. She found that new mothers preferred not to share an image that could compromise their reputation or invite judgement, such as a photo of a child running with a lollipop.
Even though that research wasn’t conducted with nannies, it highlights the fact that sharing decisions can be highly personal. What feels inappropriate to someone might feel just fine to others. That’s why it’s really important to set clear guidelines that relate to your own family’s preferences and values.
“Discuss these ahead of time, and don’t assume everyone is on the same page,” she says.
This discussion should include a sense for what your child might want, not just in this moment, but in the future, she advised. Sometimes she’ll hear from parents who say they check with a young child before posting a photograph online. But the decisions a child might make in elementary school regarding digital privacy might be vastly different than the ones they’ll make as a young adult, she pointed out. For now, it’s critical for parents to not only establish clear guidelines on how they’ll use social media, but also consider how others who interact with children will also engage with those sites.
“If parents want their children to behave responsibly online, consider the privacy and security risks of your own actions,” Fox says. “Look at all the players in the online privacy landscape.”
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